Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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