but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
