Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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