i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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