Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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