my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love having hate sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
