I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i've created a new STD.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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