He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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