So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
