Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
