You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize