Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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