forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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