I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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