My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
