I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
