I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
