no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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