Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Randomize
