One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
