I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
