I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
