i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
