you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
