dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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