I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had to coat check the pizza.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
