anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm always down for nudity.
And then he peed in my hair
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