Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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