ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
