I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
