:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
