just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
40s are totally the cure
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
