found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
