dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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