Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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