Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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