cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
