I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
