This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
