Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
