my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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