I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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