So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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