so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
