You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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