So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
