my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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