I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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