what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
