U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
