Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
