they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
