my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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