After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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