I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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