Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize