I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
