i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
