I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
