I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
