Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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