we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
