she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
