I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
