so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
