I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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