If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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