he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
