I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
