the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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