textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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