Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then he peed in my hair
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